Is my fear spreading to my child?

I have a fear.
I have an obsession with this fear.
I have an unhealthy obsession with this fear.
I have a seriously unhealthy obsession with this fear.
I refused to get over my seriously unhealthy obsession with this fear.

Ok… so can you guess that there is something seriously bother me about this fear?

I have a fear of choking and it’s not just a fear but as I mentioned above… it’s HUGE.

I can’t swallow pills.
I refuse to learn how to swallow pills.
I will cry if you try to make me swallow a pill.

That’s how major this obsession is.  I crush, I eat, I chew, I open them.  I use OJ, sprite, (not coke),  & gelato to hide the taste.

My crippling fear has taken over and I refuse to move on.  It has started to affect Valentina too.  At 6 months, the doctor said she could start having small pasta.  (the teeny tiny ones like stars)  I was so happy that i went out a bought a box.  I made them for her and she didn’t like it. Every time we tried, she just pushed them out with her tongue.  It took about a month for her to even eat a spoon of it.  Then I figured that maybe she needed to get used to the taste.  So, I bought a box of smaller pasta (for 4 months).  That made a huge difference and she was finally accepting it.

One day,  I was feeding her and she got some pasta caught in her throat. She gagged on it but immediately coughed it up.  I gave her some water and she was fine.  I grabbed her bowl started to feed her when she started crying.  I guess she got scared because she refused to eat anymore.  When Carlo got home that night, I told him about it.  At dinner time, he tried to feed V and the same thing happened.  One look at the bowl and she started crying.  I had to smash her food through a mesh strainer for her to eat it.

At this point, she should be on finger foods but my fear is stopping me.  I know exactly what to do incase she does choke but the fact is… I can’t do it. I know I will panic.  I make Carlo feed her anytime she requires chewing anything.  In fact, when we went to the pizzeria, I was scared that she would choke.  My friend Jill was trying to reassure me that everything was ok but there was still that WHAT IF feeling.

Then I wonder if she’s just not ready.  We’ve given her a few things like prosciutto, bread and potatoes and she’s fine but only if we feed her.  She hasn’t gotten the idea of feeding herself yet.  She should be able to chew somethings but I just can’t bring myself to give her bigger pieces of food.


4 thoughts on “Is my fear spreading to my child?

  1. well the good news is i know plenty of “crunchy” moms in dallas who dont give their kids a lick of solids until after 1 year. so nutrition wise i dont think its a big deal if you make sure she gets all the viatmins and nutrients she needs other ways. if its such a severe fear that is causing you stress etc, then just wait. wait til she has those 4 big chomper teeth in the back. i dont get stella goldfish cuz she choked once and it was scary. pasta is slippery and can easily be swallowed on accident. id stick wtih those baby crackers/cookies that dissolve. avocado pieces that turn to mush etc. but there is nothing wrong with waiting til she has more teeth. choking is a real danger for toddlers


  2. Di- When I asked our Doctor about it she was really vague. She mentioned that a lot of kids are on purees until they're TWO! Now, I don't want wait that long but I think there are some things she can't wait on.

    Like I said small pieces of ham, bread, eggs and potatoes are easy for her but for the most part, if we're eating something she wants I just put them in her teething feeder. She likes those Gerber puffs but she has a hard time eating a whole one.. and those are small and easily chewable. So, I also think she just isn't ready for some things. We've been giving her more finger foods at night she can start at least trying to feed herself a bit.


  3. I agree with Di. As long as they are getting all the nutrients they need, then it doesn't matter if it is solid or pureed. Try not to stress too much about the choking thing, though. Yes, it is a hazard, but it's really only dangerous if you are not there to help them get the food out if they do start choking. So, just make sure you supervise her with solid foods. However, if she's not ready, then she is not.


  4. Lydianne- She does really good when she eats solids, the thing is that I just can't bring myself to give them to her when I'm alone. The other day, I gave her a piece of banana (b/c I was being pressured by an aunt) and she did really good. It's just my crazy fear.


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